[Stan Thomas]

A rodent went into a music shop and asks if they have any mouse-organs. "No" says the shop owner - "But you're the second one to ask that today"!

"Oh, that must have been harmonica" replied the rodent.

[SteveB]

I was having trouble with my feet so went to see a podiatrist. They recommended orthopaedic shoes.

I didn’t think they’d help, but I stand corrected.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I quit my job at the Helium factory today, after an argument with my manager.

I simply refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

[Johnny 216GSi]

You know, now that I'm getting on in years, I'm beginning to remember all the people I lost along the way.

In hindsight, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea that I became a tour guide.

[ReubenVP]

Did you hear about the guy getting hit by the same bicycle every single day, day after day?


It was a vicious cycle.

[961tat]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water!!

[961tat]

If at first you don't succeed

Then sky diving not for you.

[Stan Thomas]

Statistics have proven that on our roads today a motorcyclist is knocked off his bike every 53 minutes - and he's really getting p***ed off about it!

[SteveB]

I'll never forget my wedding day - it was so emotional.

Even the cake was in tiers...

[Stan Thomas]

Question - If Michelangelo had suffered from vertigo, whould he have painted a Sistine Pavement?