[ReubenVP]

We all know we must do our bit for the planet and the environment.

The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars that no one was using.

[ReubenVP]

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words defence, defeat and detail?


Student: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

[Stan Thomas]

Reuben, similar to the teacher that asked a pupil "Can you tell me what nationality Napoleon was". "Course I can", replied the pupil.

"That's correct", said the teacher.

[RoverRevival]

I used to have a goose, one day it decided to go next door and lay an egg. So I knocked on and it was an Indian bloke. I said sorry to bother you but my goose laid an egg and I’ve just come to collect it. Oh no no no he said, the goose laid it on my land, it’s my egg, that is Indian law.
Yeah ok, just give me the egg. Oh no no no he said, the goose laid it on my land, it’s my egg, that is Indian law..

I said i tell you what let’s use English law, I’ll kick you in the balls and you kick me in the balls and the one who gives up the other gets the egg. He said, well if it’s English law.

So I rolled back and gave the kick of my life. Oh my that does smart said my neighbour, I’m going to feel that for a while, my turn now though.

I said, keep the ducking egg.

[Dorchester]

With fast cars the problem isn't the tiger under the bonnet but the donkey behind the wheel...

[Dorchester]

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words defence, defeat and detail?
Student: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

Love it!

[Stan Thomas]

The police were called to investigate why our locall ice-cream vendor's van had been parked in a lay-by for three days, only to find him dead inside and covered with hundreds and thousends - for which they concluded he'd probably topped himself.

[ReubenVP]

I still remember the last words of a friend of mine. He said
"Are you still holding the ladder?".

[ReubenVP]

Not all engineering work is equally enjoyable.

For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

[Stan Thomas]

A friend of mine was given a pair of water skis for Christmas - since when he's been driving around England loking for a sloping lake.