Rover 200 & 400 Owners Club

Two flies playing football in a saucer.

One says to the other: “Make an effort mate, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow."

To combat my addiction to hot, sunny weather, I've decided to only go on holiday in the winter.

Yep, that's right - this year I'm going cold-Turkey.

I learnt to play the drums when I was younger.

I thought of taking it up again but I am concerned about the repercussions.

Reuben, when I was only three years old I played on the linoleum.

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two...

If a symphony conductor marries a champion cyclist, what would they call their first child?

Handelbar.

The Beach Boys walk into a bar.

Round?
Round....
Get a round?
I'll get a round.

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg.

I thought: ‘This could be interesting.'”

Apparently, one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed.

Which is really weird if you think about it, as those places are really well lit.

Just a quick piece of advice.

If you're being chased by a group of taxidermists, don't play dead. It won't work.