When your engine doesn't want to fire up...

Like that one here's one for the UK

What's the difference between petrol and paraffin ?

There are two EFFS in paraffin but no EFFIN petrol

How was copper wire invented.............. ................. By two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.

How was the Grand Canyon formed................. ..................... when a Scotsman dropped a shilling down a rabbit hole.

A liitle Scottish ladie came home from school and said "Daddy, I ran home behind the bus and saved 50p", at which his father said "You fool, you should have run home behind a taxi and saved a fiver".

Love the third one!

The Rabbi went into the newspaper office and said that one of his flock had passed away, and he wanted a simple statement in the paper to read "Poor Cohen is dead". "O'k", said the clerk - "But its £20 for a minimum of six words - do you want to use up the other two"?

The Rabbi thought for a moment, then said "Alter it to read: Cohen is dead. Volvo for sale".

The oldest joke in the world is the two achaeologists who found the skeleton of a Jewish suicide 4800 years old. "How do you know that"? asked a reporter.

Because he has a piece of parchment in his hand that says "Goliath to win - 200 quid".

Going on about the Scottish being tight, the Cornish are just as bad....

My Dad was so tight he used to turn the Gas off when he flipped his Fried Eggs over.

I came home from School one day & Dad was stripping the Wallpaper, I said "bout time you redecorated, this wallpapers older than me !" he replied "I'm not redecorating... We're moving !!!"

Did you hear about a truck loaded with Vicks VapoRub overturning on the M1?

Amazingly there was no congestion for eight hours!

Why should you check your tyres for punctures?


In case there's a fork in the road!