Rover 200 & 400 Owners Club

There was an attempted robbery in our supermarket yesterday when someone tried to grab cash from the till - but the cashier hit him with the labeling gun, and he ran off.

Now the police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

Apple have announced that although sales are down, their turnover is still very good.

Wolverhampton Council are advertising for bin men.

No experience necessary - you pick it up as you go along.

You know what makes me throw up?


A dartboard on the ceiling.

we all hitting the one liners now, ok

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.

Financial experts have advised against investing in property in Cairo.

One expert said "You can clearly see it's a pyramid selling scheme."

I went on the O.A.P's outing yesterday to that place in Wales with a very long name.

When we stopped for lunch I asked the waitress where we were, and to say it slowly in syllables so that I could try to remember it. So she leaned over the table and said, "Ber-ger-king". (and you thought I was going to say - Llanfiarpwllgwyngyllgoerychwyrndrobwlllysiliogogoch)!

I then looked at the menu and said "What is Chicken Ding", and she said "We do it in a microwave". So I looked again and said "Can I have Um Fan Ting instead"?, and she replied, "No, that's the company who prints the menus".

Stan.

The CEO of IKEA has just been elected Prime Minister in Sweden.


They should have their cabinet assembled by the end of the week.

Did you know that Norway has painted giant barcodes on their naval fleet?

It's so that when they arrive back in port, they can scan-da-navy-in.

What do you call a superhero with a bad sense or direction?


Wander Woman.