[961tat]

I showed the doctor a suspicious-looking mole. He told me they all look like that and advised me to put it back in the garden.

[Stan Thomas]

A man who has formulated an acid that can burn through anything has just appeared on Dragons Den asking for fifty grand to invent a bottle to put it in.

[Stan Thomas]

Whether or not an actor likes booze depends entirely upon how you spell it.

[961tat]

Before they came up with the other side of Velcro, it didn't really catch on.

[961tat]

Took my sheepdog to the vet because he was unsteady on his legs... turned out to be just an attack of the collywobbles.

[Stan Thomas]

I always thought VAT 69 was the Pope's 'phone number.

[ReubenVP]

Britain's oldest car mechanic has died.

The family have announced there will be an interim service with a full service to follow.

[Stan Thomas]

My very first car was a Lada - it didn't have a seat, it had a shelf, and the K.G.B. did the finance.

It wasn't very fast, but it did keep the shopping fresh.

[Stan Thomas]

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

[ReubenVP]

Tomorrow is the funeral of the person who invented air conditioning....

Hundreds of fans are expected to attend..