[SteveB]

My wife says I only have two faults.

Firstly, I don’t really listen to anything she says, and secondly…. something else…

[SteveB]

I once replaced our bed with a trampoline.

The wife was furious – she literally hit the ceiling!

[961tat]

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

[Stan Thomas]

Our local monastry are going to put fish and chips on the menu - which will be run by their fish-friar and a chip-monk.

[Stan Thomas]

I went to the doctors today and said "I've got the shakes", at which he asked "Do you drink much"?

"No" I said - "Now I spill most of it".

[ReubenVP]

I got my Wife a wooden leg for Christmas.


It's not their main present, just a stocking filler.

[Stan Thomas]

It's just been announced on the BBC six-o-clock news that there is now a new contraceptive pill for men.

It lookes like a glass marble which apparently you put in your shoe - and it makes you limp.

[ReubenVP]

Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?


No, you can have turkey like everyone else!

[Stan Thomas]

We are having duck for Christmas - if the park is open.

[Johnny 216GSi]

Q. What's the first sign of madness?

A. When you see their tour bus driving down the road.