[ReubenVP]

I spent the last week learning escapology.

I need to get out more.

[ReubenVP]

My inflatable house got a puncture last night.

Now I'm living in a flat.

[Stan Thomas]

Our local pie shop has just closed down, making 3.1416 people redundant.

[ReubenVP]

A friend of mine has invented an air freshener that's controlled by your mind.


It makes scents when you think about it.

[Stan Thomas]

If you want to be rich, have a swanky car, live in a big house and never work again - you only have to remember three words. .........................

................................ Stick-em-up!

[ReubenVP]

I got fired from my job because I kept asking customers whether they would prefer "smoking" or "non-smoking".


Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

[Johnny 216GSi]

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roaming catholic.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I heard Oxygen and Magnesium were dating.

I was like "OMG"

[Johnny 216GSi]

A friend of mine has twin sons, Juan and Umal.

But he only carries a photo of Juan around with him to show people. Because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Umal.

[ReubenVP]

Do you remember that joke I told about my spine?


It was about a weak back.