[RoverRevival]

My wife used to headbutt me in the face every time she had an orgasm.....I didnt mind too much until I found out she was faking it.

[Stan Thomas]

My wife is so fat I have to kneel up in bed to see if it is morning.

[ReubenVP]

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I've just read that our local McDonalds was broken into twice last night.

Police are looking for a double cheese burglar.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I decided to go bowling yesterday.

I got chatting to the lady who handed out the shoes.

I asked her if she worked there full-time, but she said she was just ten-pin.

[Stan Thomas]

The cat has just given birth behind my welding bottles and had acetylene kittens.

[ReubenVP]

My neighbours car was making a terrible racket.


We managed to remove the Tom Jones cassette and it's all sorted now.

When I told a mechanic about it he said "It's not unusual."

[ReubenVP]

I asked my friend if they wouldn't mind taking out a spider out for me.

He did, pretty nice guy. Turns out he was a "Web Developer."

[Stan Thomas]

What do you call an Irish Frankenstein?. .......... Bigorrah!

[ReubenVP]

How do you console an English teacher?

There, Their, They're.