[Johnny 216GSi]

I went to my local library today and asked for a book on turtles.

The library assistant asked "Hardback?"

I answered "Yeah, that's them. And little heads."

[ReubenVP]

I tried to run a dating service for chickens,

but I was struggling to make hens meet.

[ReubenVP]

Why are Apple's headquarters so hot?

Because they refuse to install Windows.

[ReubenVP]

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

[ReubenVP]

I won't buy anything with Velcro.

It's a total rip-off.

[ReubenVP]

There was an accident nearby with an ice cream van.

The area has been coned off.

[ReubenVP]

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

[GTiJohn]

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with Death!

[ReubenVP]

Stephen King has a son named Joe.

I'm not joking, but he is.

[ReubenVP]

Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?

Yes, if you throw it hard enough.