[Johnny 216GSi]

I tried to steal some spaghetti from my local supermarket but a female security guard stopped me from leaving.

I just couldn't get pasta.

So I asked my mum's sister to steal a starter from a pizza restaurant whilst I created a diversion, but a waitress stopped her from leaving.

I just couldn't get antipasta.

[Stan Thomas]

How did the man who made the first fax machine test it?

[ReubenVP]

I've just read a book about the history of glue.


Couldn't put it down.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I finally returned the book on clocks I'd borrowed from the local library as it was overdue.

The librarian said "It's about time."

I said "I know, that's why I borrowed it."

[Stan Thomas]

Forget the threat of global warning - as the greatest threat to humanity is if the company who makes Venetian blinds goes bust. .....................

Then it would be curtains for everybody!

[ReubenVP]

I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s.


I didn't believe him, but he was adamant....

[Johnny 216GSi]

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

The barman says "Oh no, not you two again."

[ReubenVP]

I got a new job at the guillotine factory.              


I'll beheading there shortly.



I raise my hat to you all with a fantastic array of jokes.

Maybe a Rover 200 & 400 club joke book could be published???

[961tat]

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

[Stan Thomas]

Two Brummies were talking and one said "Who wrote the Blue Danube Waltz"?

After a moment, the other said "Johann Stause" - at which his mate replied "Nah - I dain 'elp him".